1. Live together before marrying: This advice tops the list for couple compatibility. Today’s modern couple must share the responsibilities of managing their careers and maintaining home and house. It is good to discover the quirky and sometimes annoying habits that in the singles mode nobody or very few were witness to. Single blokes are notorious for dumping wet towels on the floor and leaving them there, not washing the dishes every day, a glorious collection of empty beer cans near the bin but not in it. Married life commands that the man curtail these normal for him habits and will test both the husband’s and the wife’s tolerance levels. It is better to discover these habits, quirks and nuances before moving in together.
2. Don’t change the lifestyle: Once married the common myth is that life and your lifestyle changes, not true. A married man can still have a date night, that something special you organised when you were courting, very healthy indeed. Keep the activities that made you happy before marriage like Sunday football, snooker or model making if that’s your thing, if your spouse understands relationship space you can both share and adapt to married life as well as your personal aspects in life. Living together will bring this to the surface too.
3. Children: Extremely important in undertaking the vows of marriage. The decision to have or not have children has to be decided before marrying to enjoy a less troubled married adventure, if you disagree on the subject then don’t do it, you need more time to discover how you or your partner feels. When you marry it is natural that both the couple’s families believe children will follow, otherwise why get married they say.
4. Careers: If you both have careers with possibilities of promotion or expansion as you progress in life then the modern advice is to have your children early on in the marriage as concentrating on your careers only will interrupt future expected opportunities or plans or at least might limit progress.
5. Love: You can never quite describe love in depth, you just know it, however, love alone is not enough to merit getting married. Love is a powerful drug that Bryan Ferry from Roxy Music’s hit single made famous but there is the practical side of sharing a life together. You may love her but if she can change an electric plug and you cannot or you don’t learn to iron your shirts then the bright and shiny marriage enamel might begin to crack.
6. Say sorry & mean it: Sorry means you will not do it again, hopefully. Coming home late and drunk after a lads night out is a classic that will always be repeated for all eternity but that is the only occasion where you as a husband has leeway. All other incidents, actions and arguments the wife will not be so lenient or understanding. Say sorry even if, according to you, you have not done anything because being a bloke something undoubtedly will crop up, get used to it and most advisably move on from disagreements or rows.
7. Fantasies: Discover, enact and role play are good for building a very intimate and long-lasting relationship. That special attention that is personal to you both creates a bond which is difficult to betray and can keep the embers of passion glowing even when the flames have died down, never let them burn out.
8. Mum: You did not marry her as a replacement for your mother, what you Mum did or does for you is a different kind of love, do not expect your new wife to peel your grapes like your Mum did, ever. Grow into new ways and thrive.
9. Her space: Just as you would expect your wife to respect your personal interests you should uphold and respect hers, it’s reciprocal and can expand your social circle, never criticise, encourage. To be on the same page in certain moments is quite a revelation in the relationship.
10. Money: It’s best to say our money when you engage in projects together but your money when it’s your solo venture, however, always be honest about spending money and make sure she knows before you actually spend it. Unless it’s a secret surprise on a date night, of course, to pamper a little is pleasurable to both of you.
Married life is not always honey and ice-cream there are the difficult moments to overcome and this is where love, respect and friendship accrued comes in handy to resolve certain situations however infuriating the circumstances. Nobody said it would be easy to live with the same person in your life time, so remember your vows, anniversaries and birthdays and you will have made a great foundation for a happy most of the time life.
Returning to the build up period to the forthcoming wedding you will realise that your Stag Party antics organised by the Best Man was, in fact, a lesson in life and not an exercise in losing your freedom, it represents, as it has done so for centuries, growth of responsibility, maturity and expression of desire to care for somebody. No matter how the marriage pans out, if you think hard enough the answers are all there from the positive supporters of marriage to the less positive advice givers who would give their atm pin number and sell the entire contents of their house to be in your position. Long live the bride and groom.
